once upon a quarantine — Sophie Kay's

looking back on the past five months is bittersweet and surreal. It’s as if life moved so slow, yet was fleeting in the best way. I grew in a backward, yet new direction. My time was about feeling, creating, and enjoying more than anything else. I can’t say I took this time for granted, as I knew I would miss these feelings in the exact moments I was living it — I just didn’t know how much.

I take many, many photographs. Half in an attempt to be sure I never forget a moment—forever available for my recollection. And in the other half, so I can document how I spent my time in certain periods of life. I believe that we appreciate some things immediately, and some we only learn their value after time has passed and we’ve carried on. We gain appreciation through living and learning further.

I am so glad I paid attention to my heart during these past months, and how much I experienced. This time nurtured me, gave me breath, and allowed me to break apart. Being home, being safe, and having the constant knowledge I was being held in some way by my people. The monotony of life was almost comforting— my morning coffee, daily walks, late night movies. For the first time since I can remember, it was okay to not be rushed. I took life slowly.

Looking back through the months of my camera roll, here are a few headlines of what I am grateful this quarantine and unprecedented time at home gave me.

seeing the sky through my mom’s eyes

This period forced my mom and I into a venn diagram of relationships. Not only is she my mom and my best friend, but was also a roommate so to speak. Moving back home unexpectedly in the middle of a college semester took a toll on me and as both my mom and stepdad work from home, there was a lot of commotion in the house. Each day after work it was the same question— “what do you want for dinner?”, to which we both always had the same answer— “I don’t know, you pick”. I am so thankful to have had someone strong to go through this time with. Our late night movies…tons of straight from the oven brownies and drives with no destination are truly what got me through. We had candlelit dinners listening to the rain, many roasted sweet potatoes, and chased the sunset, which is something we rarely get to do. Leaving for college is different this year, it was harder to say goodbye to the people that stuck with me through the many many weeks of isolation and separation, especially you mom.

allowing myself to really feel

As some readers may know, the past year and a half was quite a lot for me. I lost a lot of people and relationships that were the foundation of who I am as a person, and I never really took the time I needed for myself to process that. I am a feeler, that is a huge part of why I create and aim to inspire other people’s emotional sides. However, I never realized how much emotion I had stuffed inside me in order to continue with my schoolwork and career choices instead. At the time I thought I was just processing everything very well, but as I came to learn in these months, I just was fast-forwarding through my emotions in an effort to avoid the pain they brought along with them. It wasn’t until I was alone for days on end, with my head and my heart feeing so heavy, that it came out. It came out in poetry— words and images that somehow put a tangible sense to what I felt inside. I was able to process in the quiet and humble safety of my childhood bedroom everything buzzing in my brain and breaking my heart. In the months that have followed, I’ve noticed a change in my relationships, how I interact with others, and how much lighter I feel. With less pain on the inside I am allowing myself to be filled with other emotions instead.

my grandparents

Ah, these two…they just get me. Always have and always will. Through quarantine, they became a part of my “inner circle” as we all stayed safe together, for each other. Now more than ever, I am so fortunate to have both my mom and dad’s parents to support me and carry me through.

never-ending brunches

It was in these indoor months that I found my love for pumpkin pancakes. It’s always been a tradition in my house to have pancake Sunday, but they were made a little more fun with everyone involved. I would whip up some pumpkin pancakes and a blueberry compote while mom focused on her famous home-fries, a brunch staple. And, of course, we always had mimosas to toast to another week of staying safe. I came to look forward to those Sundays ( and sometimes Saturdays too…) and I am sure missing them now as I spend my Sunday mornings with a new routine.

my sweet, sweet olive

This little pup will never know just how important she is to me. When my mom first rescued her from Mississippi in November…I was not a fan. She had tons of health issues and it was stressing me out to have something uncertain back at home. However, my mom had hope and gave Olive so much love and care to the state that she got healthy in no time. If I didn’t have her with me to go on miles and miles of walks as my only reason to leave the house, lay with me all day long when I just didn’t feel like getting out of bed, and make my day by being an absolute goofball…quarantine would have been a much sadder place. She is the sweetest pup, and though she can be quite a mischievous thing, she makes it up in snuggles.

connecting with my sister

Separated by five years and infinitely many different life experiences, it sometimes feels like we are sister’s divided. But being home and spending time just as a family, our little “inner circle” became so filled. I never get time to just relax with her and my niece, as it is always spread out among visits home from college. We are alike and different in all the best ways—we cry and laugh and dance with the same heart. I love you.

friendships so free

All throughout high school, and into my college years, I’ve always been consumed. Whether it’s by my schoolwork, outside commitment to clubs, or work. I’m also a person that doesn’t like to have tons of friends, I have my people, and I stick with them through everything. This Summer gave me experiences of true freedom that I had never had before. With nothing tying me down and no commitments other than having a good time… that became a priority. I love my little adventure group and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Our time was stuffed with late night bonfires, painting, and seeing our state in a new light. Thank you for taking chances, and being weirdos and dancing on mountains with me.

zach— my person

I will never know how much togetherness can fit inside the souls of two people. Sometimes our worlds feel so separate but this period allowed us so much time to connect. I’ll never get sick of seeing your face light up, your car pull into my driveway or hearing you sing. You inspire me and motivate me like no other, always encouraging me to go one step further. You lead me with logic and I challenge you with emotion. Thank you for all the happiness we shared these past months— your heart understands mine. You create with me, dance with me for hours on end, watch the ocean waves crash into each-other and surprise me with sunflower fields. thank you for melting into my life and allowing me in yours.

Writing this post allowed me to look back on my mile-long camera roll and feel everything all over again. I will never regret taking as many photos and videos as I do, because in times where seeing my people and experiencing the world was but a vague memory, I had all the evidence I ever needed to feel loved and to find hope for the future.

And now here I am, in my senior year dorm overlooking the city of Boston in the midst of a pandemic, and looking back at the Summer. Time pushes forward with or without you on board, so I’m trying to be as safe, smart and in the moment as I can be while I’m here.

xoxo