The In-Betweens Of College
Me & a few of my friends got talking one day in the studio about how college is such a confusing place to be. In one moment you could be giving a lecture, presenting research, and in the next you’re curled up in bed watching Netflix. It’s a balancing act between adulthood and the last moments of youth freedom which is what makes it both terrifying and exciting.
A big part of navigating my college experience was how to integrate home life & college life. If you go to a University that is away from where you live, I’m sure you’ve felt this too. In a sense, you have two lives. You have your hometown life, with all of your high school friends, drama, and memories. Then, you have the new life that you have created away and separate from all of that. The tricky part is how you integrate those two pieces together.
It’s also difficult to figure out how you want those two lives to shape you and build you.
For me, it’s such a blurry line between adulthood. My friend’s and I talked about how we can feel so strong and empowered with our schoolwork, so fueled and ready to create, and then the second we go home, call a family member, or have someone from home visit, it all gets crushed. It’s like living in a separate reality where once you get that little hint of the other dimension, it’s all you crave.
I know for me, I can do hours of work during finals with no break, but the second I hear my mom’s voice on the phone I just want to cry and all of the stress hits me. College is like pushing yourself to the very limits where you no longer can assess when you need to stop. That introduction of family, guidance, and of protection brings you back to feeling cared for, not alone, and wakes you up to how you’re feeling. On one hand, I feel like an adult because I live in Boston away from my family, I work two jobs and make money for myself, and I have the freedom to my own schedule. Yet, I still feel like some kind of “in-between” adult since I have college debt, live on my University’s campus, and feel like I’m a kid again when I return home.
Don’t get me wrong, home has been a highlight of my summer so far, and keeps me motivated & inspired during the school year. Although it is another sense of that “in-between” life. Home is more of a feeling than a place nowadays, which I don’t mind. When I go back to Maine I am in my own bed, with my loved ones and with everything familiar. Yet somehow it doesn’t feel quite settled, I always feel like I have limited time before I jump off to the next place. Splitting my time between two places has become easier during the summer as I don’t have homework, meetings and as much stress. However, during the school year it always felt like a piece of me wanted to be in the other zip code. If I was at school, I felt guilty for missing out on family time, if I was with my family, I felt guilty for not doing homework.
I think there’s just a constant balancing act between here & there, then & now that makes focusing on life in the moment so important for me moving forward.
The other big “in-between” of college is the financial aspect of it all. Most all of us have some kind of debt that is constantly in the back of our minds, but we also have aspiration for travel, being spontaneous before we get real jobs, and enjoying the last few years before we don’t have the freedom of an open schedule that sometimes seems more important.
I’m constantly being told that if you want to travel, college is the time to do it. However, I’m also being told that if I can pay off my loans now, it will help me once I graduate. This tug of war between what is right to do with the money I earn is always difficult. For the most part, I’d say I save my money and try to spend it wisely. But, I completely agree and act on the thought that this is my time to explore, see the world, and make memories. This being the case, when I do spend money, I try to make it about experiences rather than things & I try to make the moments count with the people that count.
This summer I’ll be going to Acadia, Canada and possibly New York & I’m forever grateful to the people and places that make this “in-between” life worth the confusion.
