What 2020 taught me — Sophie Kay's

In this backward and twisted year where everything and nothing occurred in the same timeline, everyone stopped. Even if just for a moment…I stood still. I felt my emotions harder than ever, because what else was there to do? Thinking, processing, and reflecting became my daily routine. Checklists looked a lot less like daily to-do’s and more like a brainstorming worksheet. I woke up and thought to myself “what do I want to do today” rather than “what do I have to do today”. I began to write again, connect again and came out of this year an all-around more grateful and intentional human. Here are a few of the most valuable lessons 2020, this year of stillness taught me…and some of my happiest moments I captured this year to go along with it.

nothing really matters.

I wish I learned this way earlier than I did as I think I would have saved myself from a huge amount of stress and anxiety. And when I say this, you may initially disagree because yes, of course, things matter. Our feelings, actions, and experiences all seriously matter and impact us. But what I really mean from this is that all the small stuff, all the things that tend to stress me out and lead to deeper problems, literally do not matter. What I wear, how I look, how much I accomplish in one 24-hour cycle, and what other people think of me…literally do not matter in the grand value of my life. Over the Spring 2020 semester, trying to do my schoolwork from the four walls of my childhood bedroom was taxing and tough. I woke up some days feeling like I wasn’t in college; like school and my life was completely fake. It took a long time and a lot of emotional processing to show myself what truly makes me feel like a ‘real’ human. Realizing that what does matter is how I treat others, who I spend my time with, how I move my body, and how I use my mind.

I am happy with much, much less.

I used to think that happiness and success were derived from how many things, friends, and experiences you have rather than the quality of each of those. Only through this year of forced isolation and respite did I realize how wrong I was in thinking more = better. I have never been one to have a lot of friends, I’ve never been interested in the '“party-scene” and I am constantly being swarmed with fashion ads and posts about the latest trends. But now that I know what really makes me happy, and what really makes me feel like me, I have started thinking critically about everything I once wished for. I came to see how much value was held in small moments with people and how much beauty is in the minute details of everyday life. Riverside picnics with friends became the equivalent of a night out…camping in Maine brought me the same joy a 5-star resort would have. Only this year did I realize how happy I can be when I allow myself to truly accept that goodness is all around me, and it is enough; that I am enough.

no expectations lead to greater appreciation.

I used to plan everything. And when I say everything, I mean spending hours researching minuscule details of a trip down to where we should get coffee on the third day of travel. And although it made for very exciting and jam-packed days, it also led to a lot of disappointment as plans fell through or time passed too quickly to tick off my very overbooked to-do list. This year flipped that trait on its head, I had empty to-do lists for days. I reverted to ditching my planner because crossing out future plans as they each got canceled one by one was far too depressing. I instead made “today-lists” and as I woke up each morning I would write what I want to accomplish that day. Not only did this make me more aware, present, and in-tune with myself, but I found a new appreciation for not expecting anything to happen in a day. When I lost the unnecessary need to plan and visualize scenarios in my head, everything became more enjoyable. I didn’t HAVE to do anything, everything became an active positive choice to do and be present in the moment. This applied to people and relationships as well. No longer did I feel let down when something didn’t go exactly like the unrealistic idea I had in my head, but I appreciate memories and moments for all the ways they went right. Things feel more fated, in place, and all around I feel so much more purpose in my life

it is okay to not have answers yet.

As the pandemic grew in severity in the months following March, the world seemed to just concave. Every assurance and definite faded away and in place stood possibilities and approximates. Everything was “unprecedented” and everyone was in shock. In this way, the world grew together towards being more comfortable with being uncomfortable. In October when I broke my foot, it seemed like I would never be “me” again. The doctors thought I needed emergency surgery, but that was soon called off. Then as the weeks passed and passed and surgery still lingered in the air, I still had no definitive answer or timeline as to when I could feel comfortable in my skin again. I thank this pandemic and this whole year for making me tough enough to handle these open-ended questions placed into my life. I learned it’s okay to not have answers, you just have to be strong enough to keep thinking.

meet people where they are, and learn to understand them, not change them.

I am a firm believer in the idea that we as people choose every day who we want to be in our lives. We give our energy to certain things, ideas, passions, and people. In turn, those people also get to choose us. Sometimes our people can only give so much, and sometimes we have to be strong enough in ourselves to let them lean on us. I only realized this year that love is really about learning to understand someone, even the parts that you don’t like. All of their fears and hopes, understood by one person who is on their team, in their corner through it all. Everyone is fighting a battle that we have no idea about, so when the tides roll in on someone you care for and understand, be there for them extra.

you are allowed to change your mind.

No one knows your mind as you do. Even shared memories are perceived and felt differently by yourself than whoever you share them with. In much that way, you grow and separate and align differently through the course of your life. You are allowed to change. You are allowed to grow out of who you were a year ago, a relationship ago, a friendship ago, even if it feels unusual and new. These past four seasons have redefined my view of success, what it means to love, and even what makes me feel alive. Only after stripping my life of every excess I had was I allowed to rebuild into what I actually wanted. Don’t hold yourself accountable in all the wrong ways, you only have to live up to your own expectations.

As we all wave, or flip-off 2020 to say goodbye and welcome in the new year, remember to not only rid yourself of this year’s inherent negativity but thank it for the time and space to heal in silence. Grieve your canceled plans, trips, and goals but remember to also cherish the moments we were all allowed to make, with our people. Buzzing or blistered this year, time moved on and us with it. I hope you all carry your own new meanings to life in the new year, cheers.

xoxo