How To Be Kind (even to yourself)
In this season of giving thanks and being merry, I think it’s easy to forget to step back and evaluate our actions and our decisions. Even more so in today’s world of ideals and finding picture perfect moments, it’s become more important to learn what matters. At times I find myself getting caught up in the minute details of my day instead of focusing on what truly matters.
By focusing only on my goals, I forget that everyone has their own inner universe and everyone’s planets are orbiting differently. I thought it would be beneficial-maybe to you-but mostly to myself, to jot down all the ways in which kindness can be spread. Spoiler alert: most of the time, being kind to others means being kind to yourself first, even in your not-so-sweet moments.
Live With Intent
When you lead your days with more purpose and intent, you also begin to make more of an effort to be kind in general. If you wake up in the morning, and take time to wind into your day, you will be more settled and prepared for what may transpire. One of my favorite things to do in the morning is make a bowl of oatmeal, or make a coffee, and just sit. For maybe five minutes, while I wait for my moisturizer to set into my skin, just sit down and think. I also try to not look at my phone until I absolutely need to in the morning. I found that if I look on Instagram or any social media first thing in the morning, it leaves me feeling unmotivated and more emotional, rather than feeling prepared to have my own day. People will take note when you start making conscious decisions and acting with purpose. This comes from intentionally thinking about your future, your goals, and your actions. Make sure you are giving others the time and space to make their own intentional decisions too.
Right Your Wrongs
So you were rude. Chances are whoever you’ve been rude to has been rude to someone before in their life. In talking, apologizing, and making change for the future we learn and grow. One of the best parts of life is human connection. We all make mistakes and most of the time we make the same ones. The important factor is that you own up to your mistakes and feel comfortable with the fact that sometimes you are mean, unkind, or selfish- everyone is!
It takes great strength to acknowledge failure and still stand tall. In doing so you will set an example for others and help break down the stigma around getting things wrong. Kindness is shared through forgiveness and acceptance, and those who love you will continue to do so even if you stumble. Life gets rough sometimes, it tests our character and shows us parts of our personality we didn’t know were there before. Not only will this make you a more well rounded human, but other people will feel less pressure to be perfect. Create the day you deserve. You get to decide what energy you give off to others, and by owning your mistakes, you create an energy of future progression.
Own Your Story
hold your own. know your name. go your own way.
As I’ve said before, and I will say for the rest of my life, this year changed me entirely. In the span of months, I lost a relationship, a father, a great-grandmother, and a pet. I look back now at the moments before receiving bad news, at how much unrecognized joy I should have been feeling at that time, and swear to be thankful everyday for who and what I have. In owning your story, you get to have a stronger voice. Whatever your story may be, it’s true and it happened. There is no use in hiding it or being ashamed. In accepting my story I have formed new relationships out of old ones, created cherished memories with family, and celebrated life more readily. It also helps you listen to others and be accepting of whatever they are going through as well. Everyone is healing from things they don’t speak about. Reach out to those in need, be the person you once needed. Being kind without question is never a bad idea.
Love Your People
I don’t know how I would have gotten through this past year without these (& so many more) kind souls. I have never felt more at ease with my relationships than I do now. I’ve found it so important to have a tight circle of people that reciprocate positive energy and encourage me. It’s been critical in my personal growth to be surrounded by people that love endlessly and inspire effortlessly. Everyone should find those people, and love them so hard. In the end, our outer relationships with others directly reflects onto our inner relationship with ourself- and vice versa. Your true people will love you through it all, so make sure you love them as well. Sometimes the people closest to us suffer the hardest blows when were in a rut. It’s important to realize who and what you run to when you’re upset. And while it is easy to rely on your people, there are some things you have to rely on yourself for. It is your responsibility to make and keep yourself happy and healthy. Even through rough times, kindness and compassion lasts longer than pain and anger.
Experience & Express Gratitude
Going hand in hand with the subject above, if you’re feel something, share it. If someone made your day, made you smile, or you just are really loving a current moment in time- say something! Vent about the joys of life just as much as the grief. Showing people how much you appreciate them can only lead to a two way street of joy. Happiness is only real when shared with other people. And believe me, sometimes all someone wants to hear is that they are appreciated.
Make Your Mind A Nice Place To Be
With all of this thinking and processing, comes a lot of inner mental activity. We spend so much time stuck in our own heads. You want to make sure that the time spent there is worth it, and that you don’t trap yourself in your own misconceptions. I can’t begin to tell you how many times I have messed up a situation, conversation, or event because I was too in my head and overthought it all. As a “recovering perfectionist”, I tend to think of things way too much. Too much thinking and self judgement can lead to a clouded perception. I’m slowly finding to accept things as they happened, as they are, and as they come.
You want to be able to go home to your mind, let it nurture and protect you. No matter what happens in your life, who leaves, and who fights, you will always have yourself. This time is not for giving up. Having your own clear mind allows you to have meaningful relationships that are not held back or in-genuine in nature. This self kindness allows you to be open to receiving and giving love to other people.
Laugh About It
What is the point of life if we are not to laugh about it? I tend to laugh and smile at a lot of things, but I’m slowly learning to find the joy in mistakes. It’s okay to do silly things and learn from it later down the road. No one should hold themselves guilty for not being their best. I used to think that some people were eternally good, unbreakable, and resilient. I think a big part of growing up is realizing that no one is without fault- even yourself. But it is in celebrating the faulty and the broken that we realize our truest strengths. So laugh, dance, and smile like your life depends on it. Because after all, it does.
xoxo