How To Keep A Long-Distance Relationship In College
I’m sure you’ve heard it time and time again, the classic “they’ll break up before college” or, “they aren’t going to last”. And yeah, most of the time it ends up being true. But what if you don’t break up?? For those of you that don’t know, my boyfriend Zach & I have been dating for 1 1/2 years now, where almost half of that has been long distance and in college. I’ll admit, sometimes it’s really really hard. Last year we were 3 hours apart and seeing each other became a very planned and structured ordeal. I’m very lucky that now that Zach gos to Endicott College and I go to Suffolk University, we are only a train ride away. This makes seeing each other, and having a consistent relationship so much easier.
However, I am definitely not a professional at this, and Zach & I have our issues just like every other couple. We have learned though, that there are certain things to do (or not to do) that really improve the health and bond in a relationship over long distance.
Don’t Over-do it
It’s really easy when you’re far away to want to over compensate and call each other multiple times a day or FaceTime every night. This may seem great in theory, but when it becomes a reality it will feel a bit forced and too planned. When you leave things to choice and more of a free flowing- call when needed- kind of relationship, the whole communication issue becomes more relaxed. If something pops up one night and you aren’t able to talk much, no one will feel hurt or left out because it wasn’t planned. This way no one in the relationship feels like they are being held down or held to a certain time or person.
Plan fun things in advance
When you don’t get to see each other as often, it becomes a really great opportunity to plan some fun and unique trips/events to do together! Look ahead onto the city calendar and see what’s happening in your area. Since you don’t see each other every weekend, you can spend a bit more on things in the weekends you do see each other. Plan things that will make you look forward to seeing each other, and things that you can talk about together to further the relationship while you are away from each other.
Always plan a next time
The best practice is to try and plan the next time you will see each other before you separate for a while. This way there is never any confusion or worry about not seeing each other again, and you always are looking forward to next time and all of the fun you have planned! For example you could go to a concert, a road trip, or just keep it simple and plan a cute picnic. Whatever makes you both happy :)
Don’t argue over text- call instead
This is one of the hardest ones for me personally to follow. Sometimes when I get upset I just want to text it out and not have to talk in real life. But when you call instead it makes the situation more real. When you argue over text it distances the situation from reality and makes it seem worse; because you aren’t actually communicating. When you hear the other persons voice, it makes it easier to communicate and come to a resolution than just reading angry text messages to each other.
Don’t let jealousy or anxiety cloud your mind
When you’re far apart and making new friends without each other, sometimes it can all get to your head. It’s easy to think the worst about situations and end up thinking in all the wrong ways. What I like to do when I feel myself getting overwhelmed or anxious about someone else’s decisions is to just take a deep breath and think about the facts. Would the bad thing that you’re thinking about ACTUALLY happen? When you think about situations rationally and take a step back, most of the time you will realize that you’re being silly and that you need to clear your mind before you let it take over your actions. I think that is the best advice for life in general as well. Your actions follow your thoughts, so make sure they are in check.
Realize that you come first
This is also a major key point in any relationship. If you don’t put yourself and your emotions first, your relationship will fall apart. You have to know when to focus on yourself and when to focus on your relationship. Especially with relationships in college, where the stress levels are so high and you have so much on your plate. Somedays you need to take a day for yourself and just listen to your own needs. Relationships can be very demanding and it feels good to just take a step back from what they need and focus on what you need. Paint your nails, go shopping or just have a nice warm cup of coffee.
Be honest and open about your emotions
This one can be very hard, especially when you’re far away because it’s easier to just bottle emotions inside instead of having a lengthy conversation. In the end, you have to just think about if it would better the relationship to talk about something or to just figure it out by yourself. A true relationship partner would want to work together on things that hurt you/ made you sad. It doesn’t even have to be a bad thing that you talk about. I think one key factor in a healthy relationship is choosing and figuring out how much of each other’s lives you want to blend together.
Don’t push them away by accident
When you get filled with anxiety and all the bad emotions and traits come out, it will most likely push away the people that you are trying so hard to keep. Instead, just sit back and take things as they come. This way you have a clear mind and aren’t accidentally hurting or annoying your partner along the way. Trust me, it will benefit you, and the other person in the relationship if you do your best to just take things easy and don’t become more of a burden than a relationship partner.
xoxo- Soph