The Human Condition From the Eyes of a College Student
In recent weeks, hundreds of thousands of college students were asked to leave their respective schools behind in the hope of limiting large gatherings of people and shared spaces. COVID-19 hit the U.S fast and continues to spread rapidly & with this wave of change came many challenges. Some are returning home for the first time in years, and to others, home isn’t a word of comfort. However, all of us are now struggling to change our habits, adapt to this new normal and introduce online learning into our daily lives as we try our best to stay inside. Social distancing and quarantine have become words frequented in everyone’s vocabulary, and life often feels like a horror film. My friends and I all find ourselves repeating “these days do not feel real”.
I am lucky. I will say that over and over and over again. But I am also incredibly scared. I am thankful that home to me is a safe place, filled with the ones I love and with support. I am thankful that I am not the age range that is most at risk with COVID-19, nor do I have any health issues that make it an evident threat to my own life. But I am also filled to the bone with anxiety of the unknown that faces me each morning as I rise and as news articles become woven into every conversation I have. I am scared for my grandparents, for my family members that have health complications, and for my friends.
For a while, it seemed like with every sunrise came more bad news. Every email sent me further away from the life I created. I was supposed to go to France for Spring break, and upon hearing & learning of the disasters in Italy and Spain, we chose to cancel. I had mentally committed myself to a week at home. I would spend time with loved ones, and gain inspiration and motivation to continue my last few weeks of schooling back in Boston. About midway through my break, email upon email was sent out stating the closure of the school, and the need for students to evacuate the residence halls. A week prior, I wouldn’t have imagined I’d be asked to leave my place of education. Don’t get me wrong, I love my family, and I love my home state. But I worked years to get the grades, connections, and scholarships to move me out, send me on my way, and make my own place. I went from being a full-time art & design student with three jobs to a 20-year old that lives at home and takes online classes. This is hard for me. This is scary for me.
I will say it again, I know I am lucky. I know I have the privilege of staying home and staying healthy. But this switch is one that almost every college student is facing, and it comes with a larger battle than just being “bored”.
I’m a busy person. Anyone who knows me will tell you that. And I like it, I actually truly love it. Busy to me means filling your days to the brim. It means being focused on your goals, and spending your time wisely. It means that when I rest my head at night, I’m proud of what I accomplished. To me, it means my head is filled with a schedule and organized into a processing machine, a forcefield for negativity. In this messy season, it’s hard to find major personal accomplishments. Instead, my head feels clouded with “what ifs”, what could have beens, and “I wish…” statements. In the first few days, I found myself unable to see a future past this isolated present. I found myself staying in bed until the late afternoon, having no motivation to shower, get ready, or even leave my room. Most of my friends were and are going through the same scary process, so reaching out just wasn't at the top of our lists.
Now, this may seem like one long list of complaints. To some, especially older generations, we may seem spoiled. Sitting on the couch for hours and staying inside may sound like a dream to some. But to me, and to thousands of other students that light their fire by setting out into the world and were actively trying to find a place in it, this is torture. Our freedom, privacy, and schedules have all been dashed and divided in a matter of days. I sat in my room and flipped through my agenda only to find myself erasing events, meetings, and moments that I was looking forward to. As the days pass by, I find myself getting stuck in what I was “supposed to be doing today” rather than what I can still do.
I’ve tried to bring only joy and positivity to the public eye but I see now in a time like this that we must accept the state we are in together- and share our anxieties. For some, this period makes them lock up. These world situations prey on mental health and can seep into even the strongest minds. These things take time to process, to feel, and to understand. And while it is such a serious issue, and is taking lives by the days, I think we should all slow down. We are all trying to do our best, yet we all can fall short. It is so easy to get caught up in the negatives and the boredom while being home, but I am writing to provide some comfort. I’ve moved through my first two weeks of being home in stages. First, I was in denial of it all and felt frozen. I’ll call this the freeze phase. Then, I moved slowly into the experimental phase, trying to boost up my cooking and baking skills. Now, I can feel myself moving into a bit of self-care phase. I woke up wanting to do a face-mask, and actually workout. And, (this one is huge for all you type-A personalities out there) for the first time in all of this mess, I wrote a to-do list.
We are all human, and we all feel. Everyone will handle these changes differently, but this is how I’m handling it. I haven’t seen my friends and barely seen my loved ones, which is the piece of home I cherish the most, but I am still trying to hold on. I hope things get easier as time goes on, but for today, I am simply trying my best.
I’ve written down some phrases of unification in a time that feels so separated. May we all understand that though we may feel alone, we are doing this together. And with each phrase, I’ve listed some ways I am trying to implement these notions into my own life, and with my own family. Some ideas, activities, and inspirations to get you out of the dark.
And to all my fellow college students- or anyone out there that is struggling with the rapid changes in our today: hold on tight and realize that though this isn’t the life we knew two weeks ago, this is still our life to live.
We all need love.
now is the time to forgive, resolve, and move forward.
reach out, support others.
if you feel badly about yourself, lift someone else up.
giving your time and understanding to someone will never leave you empty.
We all need human connection.
“Happiness is, only real when shared”- Into The Wild
share your feelings with your people.
connect on a deeper level than just saying you are “okay”- how do you really feel?
play games with your family after dinner.
do group video calls, have virtual coffee dates, virtual dance parties.
We all feel the need to cry.
feel deeply & don’t feel bad about it.
watch a sad movie and stuff your face with popcorn.
hug your mom if you can.
come to terms with your feelings- in a journal, in poetry, in a painting. preferably wrapped in a blanket.
We all are missing someone.
tell the ones you love you love them.
reach out to people- they probably miss you too.
be open and honest with your heart.
We all feel a want to be something more, something better.
take time to work on your deeper goals.
realize that nothing comes without work.
do a workout, learn to bake, cook pasta, eat more fresh & whole food.
clean your space, make a new safe zone.
set rules for yourself and for your day.
remember you are still in control of the person you become during this time.
write poetry- sometimes it’s relaxing to pour your feelings into crafted words.
sketch- it doesn’t have to be pretty, it has to be real.
We are all scared.
know your limits for reading the news.
surround yourself with things that reinforce your life goals.
take a deep breath.
this is not supposed to feel natural- this is a new normal.
you are not alone.
take your time- take care.
stay inside.